Help Ms. K reunite with her children and build her dream
Ms. K is a woman of action, strong-willed and set on achieving her goals. Our conversations with her have stirred too many topics and stories to cover in one go, so we will begin with her dream.
“I will be the happiest woman in the world”
She gestures as she speaks, laying out her vision before us: “There will be a shelter for the chickens on this side, there will beds here for the carrots, for the spinach, for the cucumbers. I want to grow bananas, I want to grow orange trees, everything! I don’t want a big house, just enough for me and my kids. To take my kids from my parents’ house and bring them to stay with me on my farm. Then I think my life will go smoothly, I will be the happiest woman in the world.”
Right now, her children are at home in the village where she grew up. They live with her parents as they wait for her to return. About a year and a half ago, she travelled to Cape Town to work, hoping to earn enough to support her children, sustain herself, and save for their future. From the start, she had a plan, though the journey that brought her here has been full of challenges.
“I grew up in a small village. I was an intelligent girl. I used to do sports, I sang in the school choir, I played netball. At home, my mother knew me as a hard worker. At school I was intelligent.¨
Ms. K. smiles to herself as she talks of her childhood, it seems it was a happy one. She got married at 21 and had 3 children with her husband. “I was living peacefully, until COVID”
As the pandemic swept the world, Ms. K. travelled from her village to take food to family members. When she returned, she found that her husband had been unfaithful, and he and her closest friend had begun a relationship. Soon after, he brought her and her children to live with them. “He stopped taking care of our children, stopped paying rent, stopped giving money for food. It was difficult. I knew I couldn’t keep asking the church for food. I decided to go stay with my parents. He didn’t follow.”
Ms. K. is not a woman to give up easily. Once at her parents’ house, she began planning a new path ahead; “I realized I would have to do something to take care of the children and myself. I thought about going to Cape Town. I heard you could get a job there. I thought; I need to go and work.”
She made the decision to leave her children in her parents’ care and make a push for a prosperous life for all of them. She arrived in Cape Town to stay with her aunt’s daughter, who passed away a month later; “She left me with no one here. But I couldn’t go back, I had to work.”
With much perseverance, Ms. K. was able to find her first job in Stellenbosch, and began working. She then met a man, who seemed to support her and her dreams. “I told him my story, he was supportive. We started dating.” After a few months, she found out she was pregnant.
“When I told him he said nothing, he just left.”
“I thought about going to Cape Town. I heard you could get a job there. I thought; I need to go and work.“.
Left on her own for a second time, Ms. K struggled through a difficult pregnancy. She tried to continue working, but her health declined until she could not. “I sat at home. I didn’t have food; I didn’t have anything. I just stayed. I thought about ending the pregnancy because I was afraid, I would die. I couldn’t leave my children back at home, they need my support. My mother is old, she can’t work. So is my father. I’m the first born, there’s no one who can take care of them if I don’t.”
With so much at risk, Ms. K. decided to terminate the pregnancy, and took steps towards doing so. “The counselor at the NGO Choice told me there were other options, she told me about adoption. I told her I was only making the choice to end the pregnancy because I had nothing, so if there was another way, I´d do the other way.”
Because of the high mental and physical stress, she was under, Ms. K. was referred to Khethani Women Wellness for further counseling, where she talked at length with the director of the organisation, about her options.
“After a while we began talking about why I was choosing adoption. I told her it was because I didn’t have work, I didn’t have money or anything, I couldn’t support the baby. If I would let the baby go, I could have a better life. What if we try to find help, would you keep the baby then?, she asked. I said I would try.”
This is where Ms. K.’s path crossed with ours, at The Empathologist Foundation. All she needed was someone to give her a first step. That first step took the form of a course through the NGO Work4ALiving, where Ms. K. was able to gain qualifications, rebuild her sense of self and find hope for the next chapter.
“Just before I gave birth, I was put in contact with The Empathologist Foundation and was able to go to school and do my training. I did my computer studies and administration course, and it brought me light. I was seeing only darkness everywhere. I was thinking; what am I going to do in this life? I came here for a better life but I’m still in darkness. It gave me light, going to school. Now I know how to operate computers, I loved learning that.”
“I think sometimes things are meant to be.”
The light arrived just in time, and shortly after, her son was born, and she decided to raise him herself; “Then my story goes on. After going to school I gave birth to a baby boy on the 3rd of November. The same birth date as me. I share the same birthday with this boy. I think sometimes things are meant to be.”
Her little boy is now 4 months old, and The Empathologist Foundation, in collaboration with Khethani, has been able to find Ms. K. a job and assist her with food vouchers and transport costs. Although she has regained sight of the dream up ahead, her monthly costs are stacked against her and she feels the time that she wants to be spending with her children, on her dream farm, ticking away. “If you want to do something, you can’t say, ‘I’ll start next year.’ No! You have to start now! I’ve given myself two years. I can´t wait five years, by then I’ll be 40, and I don’t want that. I still want to be myself. I don’t want my children to see their mother as weak. No—I must make a plan. I must be strong.“
Her children back at home walk an hour each day to get to school. They need new shoes, school supplies, and food. Between their school fees, rising food costs, creche costs for her baby boy and supporting herself, there is not enough to go around.
This is where, with a little more support, things could change dramatically for Ms. K. She could use some land of the family, but she needs money to build a humble house, and to cover minimum startup costs to buy some chicks and start farming. Her plan of action is compiled, all she needs is a little push.
We believe it’s possible to help Ms. K return home to her children and begin building the life she has dreamed of. Every contribution, no matter how small, can make a meaningful difference.
For example, R500 could cover her electricity bill for a month, R600 could provide baby milk and porridge, and R700 could help with childcare while she works. R800 could cover her food expenses, R1000 could go toward her rent or feeding her children back home, and R600 per month could support their education.
Even a one-time donation or a small monthly contribution toward any of these expenses would bring her one step closer to reuniting with her family and securing their future.
This is just one story of the many Ms. K has to tell, which are still to be told. You will be hearing a lot more about her as we work with her towards her dreams, and through her challenges. But for now, in closing, a message from Ms. K.:
“Sometimes in life we face difficulties, but we must be strong. We must prove that we can create a better life tomorrow.”
Help us to create that better life for her tomorrow.
