As we witness the growth of our healthy boy and reflect on the rapid process of adoption, we recall how the journey of adoption became the foundation of our story, and then the story of our Foundation.
When one decides to adopt a child, they often don’t realize the bittersweet journey they are embarking on. This journey starts with proving suitability, undergoing medical and psychological examinations, and having finances scrutinized. It’s also about testing parenthood skills, judging the practicalities of home and life, and facing inquiries about true intentions from friends and family. Amidst these practicalities, there’s the emotional stress and simultaneous joy of being matched with a child. Biological parents choose, from many candidates, based on a profile created to convince them to entrust their child to you. While you prepare the home and, most importantly, your soul, you know that somewhere there’s a little human waiting for their parents to pass the three months during which they can change their minds and reclaim their child from foster care or a baby home. Then comes the call informing you that you’ve been matched, and you must attend a meeting where the reality of your future child and biological family will be presented to you – they call it Matching Day, meant to be the happiest day you’ll ever experience.
However, that day is when reality truly hits. In our case, the overwhelming feelings of joy and excitement were mixed with deep sadness and sorrow as we heard the background information of the biological mother, realizing our joy had become the sadness of someone else. Navigating this emotional rollercoaster, you start to understand the deep sense of grief of others. You begin to imagine and wonder what could have happened if that mother had the means, resources, education, and opportunities. You realize not only what the child is about to embark on, but also what they leave behind. Despite being told not to think about these things and to focus on our new role as guardians chosen from a pile of books, we realized the importance of our future tasks.
Raised with a sense of caring for others and a core belief in improving lives, we understood that our responsibilities had now expanded. We don’t know what challenges lie ahead in raising a child in a multiracial family with two dads, but we do know that if our son, someday, decides to search for his biological family, he will know that the three of us did the best we could to improve their lives too.
On that ¨Matching Day ¨ we already knew that we could not turn away from those who may lack the same opportunities, or from mothers who would have loved to provide for their child as we do, but for various reasons couldn’t. We can’t ignore those still considering adoption and struggling with the decision, or those family members and neighbours who decide to improve the life of someone elses child.
Even though we were advised to look away and focus solely on raising our child, and we heard many say “what can you do? There are so many cases like this,” we realized that we couldn´t ignore these facts, we needed to start somewhere. We want to change the world, acknowledging the multiple fixes needed, and we have the desire to improve systems and reduce inequalities. Though it may feel overwhelming, we know that we need to start somewhere, and we begin here – by empowering one person at a time.
We invite you to learn about what we stand for and join us in restoring the joy of giving, in empowering someone to live a life once dreamed. Today, as South Africa celebrates Father’s Day, we commemorate the start of our Foundation, the beginning of empowering individuals facing parenthood-related challenges, one empathetic conversation at a time.
